Teens Think They Know It All

As I witness my 17 year old son growing up at an alarming rate, I realize that everything I’ve been told has come true.


He DOES know everything, or so he thinks!


This spit-fire ball of energy is going to save his money, buy a travel trailer, move to Hawaii, and live the good life.  He has already called to inquire how much it will cost to ship his truck over the open waters.  He did not balk at the $800 price tag but today called to inform me that his new employer deducted $47 from his paycheck for taxes.


“How unfair mom” was his response, to which I replied, “Oh honey, I know – it is tough being a grown up and by the way, make sure to use condoms too or you will really know what it is like to not have any money ”.


This little exchange made me think of all the things that I THOUGHT I knew at his age but when I reflect, I realize that I was just like him.  If I could have a chat with my 17 year old self, here is a list of what I would say:

  1. He is not the one!  He will break your heart into a million pieces and leave you as a single parent.
  2. In fact, dump him now and go out with as many guys as possible and have a great time while you still can.
  3. You will kiss a lot of frogs before your prince comes along.
  4. Sex doesn’t feel good with a condom, but use one anyway.
  5. Your grades DO matter!
  6. Don’t wait to go to college, it is much more difficult when you are 40-something years old.
  7. Those bitches don’t really give a rat’s ass about you.
  8. Exercise regularly now and never stop no matter what.
  9. You will not make $100,000 a year right after high school
  10. You will not even be able to afford a new car for 6 more years so take care of that piece of crap dad got ya. (It really wasn’t a piece of crap, but I sure thought so at the time)
  11. Get breast implants before that new car. Boobs are to be flaunted in your youth and cars until the day you die.
  12. It is okay to fail as long as you learn from it.
  13. Sing in the rain!
  14. Dance in the rain!
  15. Catch raindrops on your tongue
  16. These really are the good ole days!


I’m sure I will think of more once I hit the publish button.


XOXO & E-hugs!




Let’s Catch Up


I started this blog 4 years ago as an outlet or diary if you will for my feelings in dealing with the death of my son. I have not been the best blogger that is for sure but the thought of it is always at the back of my mind.

So let us catch up with one another!

My life has been crazy. I made the decision to go back to school in March of 2013, received my associates degree May of this year, and now I am on track to attain my BS next December (2016) in psychology with a minor in chemical dependency. Now I am wondering…. what the hell was I thinking? Hubs and other family members are convinced that I am continuously psychoanalyzing them. (Well, maybe sometimes when they act like assholes.)

Master D is now in high school with full-blown puberty going on. When the heck did that happen? Right? I awake each morning wondering if my sweet son will emerge from the black hole or perhaps the alien that has recently taken up residence in his cave. I am convinced there is some sort of infestation living beneath the mound of laundry in his closet. How can such a good looking dude with a slew of hot chicks after him not worry about having clean clothes? I simply do not recall my brother living like that. I have found that closing the door to his cave rather than nagging works wonders.

Although I am on Christmas break from school, it is this time of year that I dread so much. As most begin counting the days until the 25th, I begin counting the days until the 26th ~ as the holidays are simply not the same anymore. Although I am not bitter and many do not know or see the pain, I have learned to fake it quite well. (Hollywood, call me!)

I always look forward to a new year though. For me it is a time of renewal and I am not talking resolutions either because I do not make them. I don’t want to set myself up for failure but rather I look for ways I can be a better person and that is what I am looking forward to after the 26th.

I have recently taken up photography and am excited to share some of my pics with you guys.  Follow me on instagram to see them ~ @ctollen

Thanks to those that have reached out to me over the last few months to check in, I have not taken much of a break.



Candy Crush Helped Me Pass Algebra and Curbed Anxiety


Like so many others, I have fallen prey to the addictive game of Candy Crush!    What a time burner!!  Yet, I still find myself playing just to see if I can escape the growing chocolate, or move on to another exciting level.  This game has taken me as its hostage!  I find myself asking hubs to drive when we go out just so I can play in the car.  I have been known to spend an enormous amount of time in the bathroom (not relieving myself), but trying to find some solace while attempting to pass the next level or until I run out of lives.

I realized my Candy Crush addiction was out of control when I began to hiding my iPhone as someone came into the room; similar to a cheating spouse who has been text messaging on the sly.   I have even turned the obnoxious yet tantalizing jingle of crushing, smashing and “Divine or Sweet” responses off so that my family and friends have no idea that I’ve been conquered once again.

Now I am sure you are all wondering how this effortless yet addictive pastime could have possibly helped my anxiety (and pass my Algebra class), because I am sure that Candy Crush has created anxiety in many.

Attending college at 40-something years old is enough anxiety in and of itself,  but throw some algebra into the equation (pun intended) and it can become the perfect storm.  Algebra made me frustrated, sad, pissed off, panicky, anxious, racing heart, and any other adjective that might be fitting for the occasion.  Instead of hiring a tutor reaching for the vodka, I downloaded Candy Crush.  In all honesty, when I would feel frustrated, I began playing this game.  The excitement from matching up blue, red, yellow, green, and purple candies calmed me down for a hour or so little while and I was able to concentrate.  I am not trying to be funny here, this really really helped me.  Candy Crush allowed my brain to simmer down to re-focus on the task at hand.  As a result, not only did I calm the mechanism but my anxiety as well.  (I got a 4.0 in Algebra by the way)

I have not been playing as frequently (okay, maybe a little white lie) since I am currently on break but if the second half of algebra creates another bout of anxiety, I will once again be reaching for the gaming version of Xanax.

Death Doesn’t Always Breed Bitterness (My New Journey)




It has been almost two years since my son died and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my purpose and where my life should be headed.  It seems to me that life changing events force us to re-evaluate our lives.  The time I spent reflecting was almost depressing, as I realized that I wanted to do something different with my life and I couldn’t figure it out.  Then I’d get upset when no one else could tell me either.  Who was I kidding?  No one is going to tell me what direction to take in my personal life.  (well… except maybe my mother in law, but I didn’t ask her advice)

It finally hit me one night in Alanon as I was having a conversation with another parent whose son is headed in the same direction mine was.  The addiction monster had taken hold of this lady’s precious son, just like he did mine.  We talked for a long time, and then it hit me!!  I must go back to school……..

I cannot believe it!  school?  I am 42 years old!  Well that is what I am doing, I have been back in college since the  beginning of this year.  I have chosen social work as my degree with a concentration in chemical dependency.

Although my son took his life, in return I received a gift.  I have found my purpose; give unto others and hopefully save someone’s child in the process.  My son was a beautiful gift from above and I treasure every moment I had with him; his eternal gift will be the families I assist.

I could choose to be bitter about my situation but instead I have tried to reinforce with something positive.  Pretty deep huh?





Photo credit: paul bica / Foter / CC BY

What is F-E-A-R ?


I once heard that fear is:





Very true, but I think we all have a fear of something.  Many refuse to communicate their fears for ‘fear’ of appearing weak.  I chose this post today because I found the topic on a creative writing prompt website.  So I’ve decided to come clean and list my top fears, some serious and others not so much.

1.  Cancer

2.  Mice

3.  Cockroaches

4.  Lack of water (drought)

5.  bumps in the night

6.  IRS

7.  Drunk Drivers

8.  Mexico

9.  Stomach flu (weird… but I’d rather have diarrhea than throw up)

10.  Farting in public  (not being gross but it happens to the best of us)

11.  Personal trainers (they are brutal)

12.  Dancing (Always afraid I will look like an assholio with my rear end jiggling.  Seriously cannot believe I even typed that, I’ve always  been one to not give a rats ass what anyone thinks about me.)

13.  Finding my name in the obituary section of newspaper

14.  Heights (this really should be at the top of the list – I could do an entire post on my fear of heights altogether.)

15.  No longer appearing attractive to my husband

Well, I almost did it!  The prompt indicated to list my top 20 fears and I made it to 15.  Not too bad.  What are YOUR biggest fears?




Photo credit: *Zephyrance – don’t wake me up. / Foter.com / CC BY-ND

Pick Up Yer Shizz & Flush The Toilet

I admit, I am a bat-shit crazy, anal retentive, OCD pain in the ass housekeeper.  There I said it!!  Whew!!   I swear… it is NOT that time of the month, really.

I hate disorganization.  Everything should have a home, period!  No piles on counters, shoes belong in a closet not shoved under tables or chairs.  If you spill tea, Gatorade mix, macaroni mix, etc.  Wipe it up!!  If you start a project, finish it ~ don’t leave your shizz out for the rest of us to trip on.  I came by this honestly. Really, I did!  My dad was a custom home builder and it seemed wherever we lived, our house was ALWAYS for sale.  It became a way of life for me.  Make your bed, clean your room, pick up your stuff, and clean up after yourself; because you never knew if someone was going to come by to check out my dad’s latest and greatest casita.

Now that I am working from home and had to fire let my house-keeper go.  I am realizing a lot.  First of all, I forgot how therapeutic house cleaning was AND my housemates  family are  puercos.  (that means pig in Spanish)  This is the first time in 20 years I have been solely in charge of keeping the house up.  And.. no I am not a spoiled brat that needs a housekeeper and yard man but I used to work 50+ hours per week and dammit ~ weekends were for ME!

So today I head to Master D’s bathroom to put towels away and good gawd it smelled like a nursing home in there.  Really??? How flippin hard is it to push the lever down?  All little kids love to flush the toilet, it’s just a part of potty-training.  It is the little reward after you finally do your deed, you get to watch it all go away.  At what point in a child’s life does he believe that it is okay to flush n run.  I don’t get it!  He has been a teenager for all of four months, is there a book that is given to these little creatures the minute they become a teenager that teaches them to leave their shizz everywhere?

Seriously…. no amount of ass chewing seems to be doing it for me!  I told him his bathroom reminded me of a nursing home.  The minute I walked in there I began having flashbacks from my childhood, visiting my grandfather in a nursing home.

So the young grasshopper has a choice today:  Flush the toilet OR miss BMX racing at the track tonight.  Very simple don’t you think?

**While you are here, do you mind showing my little blog some love and vote for us on Top Mommy Blogs**

Happy Friday And God Bless Texas


I’d like to think  you all are starting to figure out that my life has been a bit hay-wire over the last few years and I like to dedicate my Friday posts to the little in things in life.  Check out some of my past Happy Friday posts here and here!  This week has really flown by and I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing but have had a great time with friends.  (That is not a bad thing)

Here is the ‘short list’:

1.  Texas (every inch of it)

2.  Tacos

3.  Summer nights  (aka patio parties)

4.  Pizza

5.  Hugs from Master D

6.  Pinterest

7.  Zebra print decor

8.  Chocolate sluts

9.  Recycled magazine art or objects (I’m making one now… a vase)

10.  Getting together with high school buddies