No stiffy, no problem!

Feminist Rant Against Insurance Company (not for the faint-hearted)

I am a pretty independent woman, countless people would say, “too damn independent”.   But hey, that is how I was raised. I think my mom wanted me to be different and have success by not growing up with the intention of EVER relying on a man (except of course for sex and even then new inventions in the personal satisfaction consumer goods category make it not even necessary. Except those little devices have no feelings and don’t offer emotional support). So that is what I have become… and it has taken a very special man to deal with my exuberant personality.

So…. I had an appointment with my gynecologist and when she asked if I was having relations I replied, “yes but it hurts”.  Thanks to early menopause I have a dry cooter, or the more technical term, “vaginal dryness”. Whatever people, having sex feels like my husband has grown spikes out of his pecker. She prescribed me Estrace  and let me know that this would help greatly. Read about it ladies, you too gents, because if your significant other isn’t experiencing it now, she probably will later.

Anyhoodle, I was excited to fill my prescription and start lubing the cootch in an effort to make hump days more enjoyable. My phone buzzed with an email that the cootch cream was ready for pick up and I buzzed over to Wal-Mart with stars in my eyes. The kind gentleman at the window smiled and said, “That will be $389.46”.   After sharting in my pants, I let him know that he must not have my new insurance card, to which he replied, “This medication is not covered on your insurance”.   (BCBSTX)

I am sure some of you are thinking, “Wow, first world problems”.  And I agree…but we were made to reproduce or at least practice reproducing so for F***’s sake ~ we should all be able to enjoy it.

I really feel sorry for the poor pharmacy tech because I launched some angry words at him. My first question was, “would my insurance cover Viagra”? He simply refused to answer my question! I proceeded to tell this poor young man that it is unfair. When men suffer from a limp pecker they can buy Viagra, Cialis, or whatever else there is now from a street level dealer to remedy the problem (if insurance won’t cover). Women must continue to suffer through the pain or give it up altogether. We all know what happens when we don’t give our lovely hubbies a little playtime, they will find it elsewhere. I asked for my prescription back and decided to put on my detective hat in an effort to find relief.

It took a whole lot of research but I found an online pharmacy operating out of Canada that would fill my prescription. I just had to fax or email the prescription and pay their nominal fee of $46.00 (that includes shipping).

globalpharm

Un-freaking-believable!!! I know, I know, what a scam our US pharmaceutical companies are, right?

Then the box showed up and I knew I was in trouble…… OMG!! (Slovakia?)

box

This shizz is still sitting in the box. There are no English instructions included and I am afraid if I use too much I will grow a cooter tumor and quite frankly I would rather grin and bear it during the grind.

I highly doubt that the “stiffies” have all the luck, but seriously, I went to great lengths to get this medication and still have no idea what the packaging says or how to use it.  So frustrating.

DAMN INSURANCE COMPANIES!!!  It is my sincere wish that all of you responsible for making these decisions end up with a limp weenie and/or a cooter drier than the Sahara Desert.

Carry on now y’all!

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